I Didn't Know What Questions to Ask. Here's What I Know Now. (Self Advocacy)

I still remember sitting in that exam room after my ultrasound.

The technician looked at her screen, then looked at me, and said — almost casually — "You have a fibroid factory in there."

And then she walked out.

I sat there in that paper gown not knowing what that meant, not knowing what to ask, not knowing that the conversation I was about to have with my doctor would shape the next ten years of my life.

When my doctor finally came in, she was kind. She was competent. She told me I was anemic and that I had two options: a blood transfusion or a hysterectomy.

That was it.

No conversation about what might be feeding the fibroids. No questions about my diet, my stress levels, my sleep, my history. No mention of alternatives like uterine fibroid embolization or endometrial ablation — procedures I didn't even know existed until years later. No curiosity about the deeper things I now understand matter enormously: past trauma, chronic stress, the way our nervous systems carry what our mouths never said.

Just two options. Presented like a menu.

I pushed back on the blood transfusion (enough of those) and opted for iron transfusions instead. But i didn't push back enough. Not because I was passive. But because I didn't know what I didn't know.

That's the part nobody talks about.

We can't ask questions we've never been taught to ask. We can't advocate for ourselves in rooms that were never designed with us in mind. And for many of us — especially Black women, who are two to three times more likely to develop fibroids and more likely to have them dismissed or under-treated — the gap between what we're told and what we deserve to know is wide enough to change the entire course of our health.

I had that hysterectomy. Ten years after that first conversation.

During my recovery. This is the journey that changed everything I thought I knew about advocating for myself.

I'm not here to tell you that surgery is wrong or that I made the wrong choice. I'm here to tell you that I wish I had walked into that room knowing how to ask better questions. I wish someone had told me that I was allowed to slow down, push back, request more information, seek a second opinion, and explore what else might be possible.

I wish someone had told me that my body deserved a full conversation. Not a menu.

So here's what I want you to know now — what I wish I had known then:

You are allowed to ask your doctor what is causing this, not just what to do about it. You are allowed to ask what your non-surgical options are before agreeing to anything. You are allowed to ask how hormones, stress, diet, and lifestyle factor into your situation. You are allowed to say "I need time to think about this" and leave without making a decision in that room. And you are allowed to come back with more questions — or find a provider who will sit with you long enough to answer them.

Advocacy isn't aggression. It isn't distrust. It is the practice of showing up for yourself in spaces that don't always show up for you.

Your doctor can only work with what they were taught. That's the truth, and it deserves grace. But you get to bring what they didn't learn into the room with you — your questions, your history, your right to a complete conversation.

That's what we're building here.

Over the next few weeks I'm releasing a series of short videos — 5 Things You Should Know About Advocating for Your Body in Midlife. Self Advocacy is important. Each one is under a minute and each one gives you a specific tool to take into your next appointment. You can find them on M'Jae TV on my Watch and Learn page, and on YouTube at @MidlifeWellnessElevated.

And if you haven't already — download your free copy of 7 Days to Hormone Harmony below. It's your first step toward understanding what your body is asking for in this season.

Download 7 Days to Hormone Harmony

Because the missing conversation starts with you knowing you deserve one.

#selfadvocacy